Patti's Porch

WHEN GOD SAYS "NO!"
Monday, August 22, 2016 by Patti Shene

It’s not very often that readers find my thoughts on this blog. My main purpose in keeping it is to promote the writings of others, but tonight, I feel a need to share a glimpse into my heart and the struggle I have faced these past few weeks.

 

WHEN GOD SAYS “NO!”

I knew my husband’s open heart surgery was risky before the surgical team wheeled him away from us and into the operating room that Thursday morning. My daughter, granddaughter, and I all spoke our parting words of encouragement, praying silently that we would see him again in a few hours.

 

We settled into the waiting area with our drinks and electronic devices. Conversation between us was congenial, yet somewhat fraught with tension.

 

After the third call from the operating room suite, indicating Manuel’s condition was stable and the surgery was progressing according to plan, I began to relax. In fact, my heart filled with the joy of certainty that everything would turn out well.

 

I took a break, grabbed a snack at the coffee shop and made a visit to the chapel. There, shedding tears of gratitude, I thanked God for His blessing of awarding my husband some more time with us and prayed for a rapid recovery.

 

I hadn’t been back upstairs ten minutes when I received the fourth phone call. The one that shattered my elation, informing me my husband was in cardiac arrest. A compassionate, caring chaplain joined us, reassuring us the medical team would do everything they possibly could.

 

Even before the sweet little volunteer came over to tell us the doctor would be out to speak to us and escorted us to the private room that they use to deliver bad news, I knew the outcome. Knew the last words we had spoken to my husband a few hours earlier were the last he would hear from any of us on this earth.

 

I’ve relived those last few days, hours, minutes of Manuel’s life a thousand times over these past nine weeks.

 

I was so sure I had received God’s “YES” answer to my prayers for a successful surgery, but the reality mocked my certainty with a resounding “NO!”

 

Does my loss, my sadness, my grief, make God a mean god?

 

A spiteful god?

 

A deceitful god?

 

Absolutely not.

 

I second guessed His final answer.

 

God had knowledge that I didn’t.

 

God knew how much pain my husband had suffered.

 

God could see into the future.

 

God knew the number of days, hours, and minutes Manuel would live and breathe before He placed him on this earth.  

 

The medical facts I learned after the surgery helped me realize my husband’s diseased heart no longer possessed the ability to sustain the quality of life he would have wanted.

 

In the quiet of that small waiting room, when I knew my beloved had passed from this life, I sensed: “I love you. I miss you. But I’m okay,” whispered from his spirit to my heart.

 

Those words are enough to sustain me through moments of despair, loneliness, and sorrow.

 

We may not always understand God’s “NO!”

 

Be assured He always accompanies it with the peace we need to accept it.

 

Please share your experiences with God’s “NO!” answers.


Comments

Patti Shene From SE Colorado At 9/9/2016 11:42:03 AM

Thank you so much for stopping by, Paula, and for your comment!

Paula Shane From SE Colo At 9/9/2016 11:39:04 AM

Inspiration PLUS! Pat, blessings to you for this post it speaks volumes on Love & Trust. Thank You :)

Patti Shene From SE Colorado At 8/24/2016 5:59:07 PM

LOL, Alice! I know what you mean. Kind of like a person who has never had children telling a parent how to raise his or hers. Thank you for stopping by, my friend, and for sending your thoughts and prayers.

Alice K Arenz From MO At 8/24/2016 5:48:57 PM

Thanks, Patti, for sharing your heart. May God heal you and your family as you remember your dear Manuel and miss him. They say it gets easier with time--I want to know who ""they"" are and ask how they know, and how to make it get easier. Doubt ""they"" know what they''re talking about. God Bless, aka

Patti Shene From SE Colorado At 8/24/2016 2:11:54 PM

Gail, I so appreciate your comment! I think writing this blog was meant to be healing for me, but my prayer is that it will somehow bring comfort to someone else who may be experiencing a similar loss.

gail Kittleson From iowa At 8/24/2016 2:03:36 PM

Patti, I so appreciate you baring your heart. Those precious last moments are an intimate glimpse into the love you and your husband shared. Especially HIS last words to you, after he''d passed from this world. THOSE words no one else heard but God, to whom we all go. Sigh. Blessings.

Patti Shene From SE Colorado At 8/23/2016 5:32:27 PM

Thank you so much for stopping by, Gail. Your prayers mean a great deal to me and I appreciate them!

Gail Pallotta From At 8/23/2016 5:28:25 PM

Thank you for sharing your faith with us. I pray God''s blessings on you.

Patti Shene From SE Colorado At 8/23/2016 2:32:04 PM

Thank you, Ellie, for stopping by and for your comment. Yes, life can be very hard, but God is always there for us. He knows our pain and He offers the comfort we need to find peace.

Ellie Gustafson From Haverhill MA At 8/23/2016 10:09:59 AM

That''s a beautiful post, Patti! You wrote what your felt--sadness, grief, disappointment, yes--but your trust in God came through loud and clear. We don''t understand the hard spots in this life, but the God of the universe who numbers our hairs can surely make ALL things come right in the end.

Patti’s Porch


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8/9/2015

WELCOME AUTHOR SUSAN ANNE MASON
Patti Shene
7/24/2015

WHY WE WAIT
Patti Shene
7/11/2015

WELCOME AUTHOR MISTY BELLER
Patti Shene
6/27/2015

WELCOME AUTHOR ELIZABETH MADDREY
Patti Shene
6/13/2015

WELCOME AUTHOR DONNA DOUGLAS
Patti Shene
5/22/2015

WELCOME AUTHOR JO HUDDLESTON
Patti Shene
5/9/2015

WELCOME AUTHOR LEE CARVER
Patti Shene
4/10/2015

WELCOME AUTHOR VALERIE COMER
Patti Shene
3/27/2015

WELCOME AUTHOR MARIAN MERRITT
Patti Shene
3/14/2015

WELCOME AUTHOR AMBER STOCKTON
Patti Shene
2/27/2015

WELCOME AUTHOR CONNIE ALMONY
Patti Shene
2/14/2015

WELCOME AUTHOR JAMES CALLAN
Patti Shene
1/24/2015

A MODERN DAY MIRACLE
Patti Shene
1/16/2015

WELCOME AUTHOR CONNIE PEASE
Patti Shene
1/10/2015

PRAYER CHANGES THINGS - PART SEVEN
Patti Shene
12/27/2014

AUTHOR GINA WELBORN RETURNS
Patti Shene
12/20/2014

WELCOME AUTHOR SUSAN ANNE MASON
Patti Shene
12/18/2014

WHAT DOES ADVENT MEAN TO YOU?
Patti Shene
12/14/2014

WELCOME AUTHOR PEG PHIFER
Patti Shene
12/8/2014

WELCOME AUTHOR JANET K. BROWN
Patti Shene
12/6/2014

AUTHOR H. L. WEGLEY WRAPS UP PURE GENIUS SERIES
Patti Shene
11/29/2014

PRAYER CHANGES THINGS - PART SIX
Patti Shene
11/22/2014

WELCOME AUTHOR BILL GARRISON
Patti Shene
11/14/2014

WHAT DO YOU MISS?
Patti Shene
11/8/2014

WELCOME AUTHOR CAMILLE EIDE
Patti Shene
11/1/2014

PRAYER CHANGES THINGS - PART FIVE
Patti Shene
10/25/2014

DINOSAURS AND THE BIBLE
Patti Shene
10/19/2014

WELCOME AUTHOR GINA WELBORN
Patti Shene
10/10/2014

POINT TO POINT TO POINT
Patti Shene
10/5/2014

PRAYER CHANGES THINGS - PART FOUR
Patti Shene
9/27/2014

WELCOME AUTHOR ANE MULLIGAN
Patti Shene
9/19/2014

BY THE NUMBERS
Patti Shene
9/15/2014

WELCOME AUTHOR ADA BROWNELL
Patti Shene
9/5/2014

WELCOME AUTHOR JENNIFER SLATTERY
Patti Shene
8/30/2014

PRAYER CHANGES THINGS - PART THREE
Patti Shene
8/23/2014

WELCOME AUTHOR REBECCA DeMARINO
Patti Shene
8/16/2014

SITTING IDLE
Patti Shene
8/10/2014

It's Hot Out Here! by CHERI SWALWELL
Patti Shene
8/3/2014

PRAYER CHANGES THINGS - PART TWO
Patti Shene
7/26/2014

WELCOME AUTHOR CAROLE BROWN
Patti Shene
7/20/2014

WHY DO WE DO WHAT WE DO?
Patti Shene
7/14/2014

AUTHOR H. L. WEGLEY RETURNS
Patti Shene
7/5/2014

PRAYER CHANGES THINGS - PART ONE
Patti Shene
6/27/2014

WELCOME AUTHOR AVA PENNINGTON
Patti Shene
6/20/2014

UNEXPECTED ACTS OF KINDNESS
Patti Shene
6/16/2014

REVIEW OF THREE NON-FICTION BOOKS
Patti Shene
6/7/2014

AN INTERVIEW WITH AUTHOR RENEE BLARE
Patti Shene
5/30/2014

SEVEN WAYS TO STRETCH SPIRITUALLY BY ADA BROWNELL
Patti Shene
5/17/2014

WHEN FINE IS NOT REALLY FINE
Patti Shene
4/23/2014

MOMMY MEMOIRS BY ANN VAN DE WATER
Patti Shene
4/19/2014

PLAY BALL!
Patti Shene
4/17/2014

JOE THE DREAMER BY AUTHOR A. B. BROWNELL
Patti Shene
4/12/2014

ON THE PINEAPPLE EXPRESS BY H. L. WEGLEY
Patti Shene
4/4/2014

THE THIEF BY STEPHANIE LANDSEM
Patti Shene
3/29/2014

HUMOR AT THE HOSPITAL
Patti Shene
3/26/2014

HEAR NO EVIL BY MARY HAMILTON
Patti Shene
3/22/2014

WHEN THE ROAD GETS LONG AND LONELY
Patti Shene
3/19/2014

INTRODUCING RYAN'S FATHER BY JUNE FOSTER
Patti Shene
3/15/2014

WHERE ARE YOU THE MOST VULNERABLE?
Patti Shene
3/13/2014

INTERVIEW WITH WRITER BROOKE COX
Patti Shene
3/8/2014

Patti's Porch Welcomes Author Rebecca Carey Lyles
Patti Shene
3/1/2014

Flying for Jesus by Lee Carver
Patti Shene
2/22/2014

Putting Out the Fleece by Paula Mowery
Patti Shene
2/15/2014

What We Can Learn From the Olympics
Patti Shene
2/12/2014

Hush, Little Baby by Deborah M. Piccurelli
Patti Shene
2/8/2014

Baby, It's Cold Outside!
Patti Shene
2/5/2014

A Matter of Perspective
Patti Shene
2/1/2014

Introducing The Pure Genius Series by H. L. Wegley
Patti Shene
1/25/2014

Monopoly!
Patti Shene
1/21/2014

welcome author Cheri Swalwell
Patti Shene
1/17/2014

What Did You Mean By That?
Patti Shene
1/14/2014

Wildlife Video
Patti Shene
1/10/2014

My Best Reads of 2013
Patti Shene
1/8/2014

The Dumbest Kid in School
Patti Shene
1/3/2014

Good-bye to 2013
Patti Shene
1/1/2014

Focusing on What Christmas Really Means
Patti Shene
12/22/2013

One Spectacular Christmas Display
Patti Shene
12/19/2013

Where are You Going This Advent Season?
Patti Shene
11/29/2013

Shared Experience
Patti Shene
11/24/2013

Facing the Monster
Patti Shene
10/25/2013

Review of Reign by Ginger Garrett
Patti Shene
9/27/2013

I'll Be Happy When...
Patti Shene
5/14/2013

Sing Praises - Whether You Can Sing or Not
Patti Shene
5/5/2013

I Can't Do This!
Patti Shene
5/2/2013

BREAKING THE RULES
Patti Shene
4/28/2013

WELCOME AUTHOR TINA PINSON
Patti Shene
4/21/2013

Vulnerability to Fear
Patti Shene
4/17/2013

Faith and Fear
Patti Shene
4/15/2013

Those Temporary Interruptions
Patti Shene
2/21/2013

Grand Prize Winner at Int'l Wildlife Film Festival
Patti Shene
2/7/2013

Starsongs Giveaway Contest
Patti Shene
2/3/2013

Taking Stock
Patti Shene
1/30/2013

Welcome Author Janet K Brown
Patti Shene
1/26/2013

Winter - Bah Humbug!
Patti Shene
1/22/2013

Welcome Author Tanya Eavenson
Patti Shene
1/19/2013

Welcome Author Margaret Brownley
Patti Shene
1/16/2013

Travel Writing = Nearly Shooting Peacocks
Patti Shene
1/12/2013

Water, Water Everywhere - or Maybe Not
Patti Shene
1/9/2013

The last Day of the Christmas Season
Patti Shene
1/5/2013

Accountability in the Extreme
Patti Shene
1/2/2013

The day after Christmas
Patti Shene
12/26/2012

It's Dec 22nd - And We're Still Here!
Patti Shene
12/22/2012

The Next Big Thing - Blog Hopping
Patti Shene
12/19/2012

Vanquishing the Christmas Blues by Linda Rondeau
Patti Shene
12/15/2012

Christmas Rayne by Joi Copeland
Patti Shene
12/12/2012

The Christmas Stalking by Lillian Duncan
Patti Shene
12/8/2012

News From Nashville & Beyond
Patti Shene
12/4/2012

Author Susan Sleeman offers great advice about wor
Patti Shene
11/13/2012

Welcome Home!
Patti Shene
11/13/2012

Confessions of a first book editor
Patti Shene
11/13/2012

Going Home
Patti Shene
11/13/2012

GPCWC in Restospect
Patti Shene
11/13/2012

Vacation in the Adirondacks of New York
Patti Shene
11/13/2012

I am pleased to welcome author Staci Stallings
Patti Shene
11/13/2012

Meet Award-Winning Journalist And Author Ada Brownell
Patti Shene
11/13/2012

An Interview with Author Eddie Jones
Patti Shene
11/13/2012

Nano Day 11 - um - day 1?
Patti Shene
11/13/2012